Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
