dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
