and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
