alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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