plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
