Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
