he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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