I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
