This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
