I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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