FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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