and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
