hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
