So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
