We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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