Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
