it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
