Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
