he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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