I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
