she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
