cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She bit a glass in half.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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