my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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