D3 body, D1 cock
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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