Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
