you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He better not be in your backpack
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
