We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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