So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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