Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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