"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
