im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
