Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
