i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
