im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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