70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
