You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
