sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
