i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
