What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You have to summon your inner elephant
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
