I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
