i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
