I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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