just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
