I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We just shotgunned beers for America
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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