I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
