I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
