i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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