hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
