i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
