what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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