Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
