pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Randomize
